HOW TO BE the 9% that ACHIEVE their New Year’s Resolution:

ONLY 9% OF US WILL ACHIEVE our New Year’s Resolution.*

INSTEAD OF making your New Year’s resolution about YOU this New Year… make it about your Love Partner. 

When we get out of our own heads and stop focusing on our own selves, what we don’t have yet, what we want to achieve and acquire for our Selves… we experience far less pain, challenge and upset in our lives. When we focus on other people in our lives, versus our own Self, we get more of our human needs met, at a higher level. Which makes us happier, more fulfilled human. 

And when we’re focusing in others rather than ourselves, that can be the very leverage we need to NOT give up on a resolution so easily. 

When it comes to “working” on your relationship, focus on smaller goals to reach your bigger goals.  Doing the smaller things over time more consistently has far more positive impact on your relationship than the less frequent, but more grandiose gestures.

For example, you can take your spouse out every Friday for Date Night, but if you’re not doing the smaller things more often and consistently that solidify the foundation of your relationship, then these bigger gestures won’t hold as much value. 

So make goals about your LOVE PARTNER! 

Don’t worry… this isn’t about abandoning your own personal goals in the name of love. It’s been proven over and over again:

The quality of your most important relationships is the quality of your life.

HOW?
Start here with #5.

GRAB THESE 5 PROVEN EXERCISES & RITUALS as your guide to get you started.

Download them for free HERE:
https://connection.jenniferblankl.com/get5c
 
Living like ROOMMATES with your Love Partner and ready for change but need a different approach? 
Book your FREE, NO-Obligation COACHING CALL with me:
https://connection.jenniferblankl.com/book

* per Inc.coml

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Client Testimonials & Experiences

www.JenniferBlankl.com

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”

QUESTIONS versus STATEMENTS: How They Shape EVERY ONE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS:

Doesn't it feel DOWNRIGHT TRIGGERING when someone tells you how YOU feel?!

Nobody loves being spoken for. Whether at work, or at home. 
 
Take for example… your easily-angered employee that keeps hijacking the better mood of the office with the way he reacts to challenging personnel and scenarios. What could shift if that person was asked a thought-provoking question.
 
“What do you need right now?”… 
 
“What kind of help could you use in this moment?”
 
“How’d you get to that conclusion?”
 
“What motivated you to make that decision?”
 
NOW you have a more productive and useful exchange.
 
Now by ASKING these questions versus making statements and declarations about what another person is doing and WHY… now we provoke the SOLUTION-MAKING part of our psychology that wants to fix problems and have answers to questions, while dramatically reducing feelings of criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling… the four deadly horsemen when it comes to our relationships.
 
And what about at HOME…. how good are you about ASKING YOUR LOVE PARTNER QUESTIONS for clarity and understanding when it comes to their internal reality versus statements about what they feel, think and believe?

“He doesn’t want to do fun adventurous things on the weekends. He’d rather do the yard work.”

“She doesn’t care about physical intimacy with me. I wish she wanted that as much as I do.”

Although there’s a higher intention at play by saying these things (ie. you’re downright missing quality time and attention from your spouse!) it’s likely the receiver will go straight into defensive, or shut-down mode to protect themselves against the judgment and criticism they feel. 

POWERFUL QUESTIONS spark a different kind of expression and dialogue that can breed understanding, compassion, and empathy.

“Would you be willing to_____________?”

“What do you think about/how do you feel about____________?”

“I really would love to____________ with you. Would you be willing to try_____________?”

“What makes you think that?”

I’m not saying questions make it all go smoothly… but your chances of getting the positive result your after skyrocket.

So uplevel ANY relationship by replacing your statements with questions! 
__________________________________

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship at home but not sure what to DO? Download these 5 PROVEN connection exercises my hardworking clients use to uplevel their marriages and create an instant shift.

Are you struggling in your own relationship and need a different approach after failed counseling and therapy? I can help. Apply for your free 20-minute NO-OBLIGATION relationship strategy call with me and let me help you get some relief through restored hope, a different perspective and a prescribed strategy or tool for you to take action with after our call. 

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Client Testimonials & Experiences

www.JenniferBlankl.com

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”

The Three Kinds of People in Your Life…

What’s been happening in your CLOSER RELATIONSHIPS these past couple of years?

 

For the far majority of my clients, as well as for me personally, at least one major key relationship has been forever changed because of an inability to navigate different perspectives and differences of opinion in a way that preserves your connection.

When we have a close relationship transform for the worst, it can really hijack us emotionally.

Us human creatures have a deep-rooted need to feel connected to, close to, accepted by, affirmed by, included, agreed with… etcetera etcetera… by other human beings.

So when an important relationship becomes challenged and strained… our world can feel hugely hijacked no matter how solid and great some of our other close relationships are.

Because relationships are deeply PERSONAL, when they go awry we can humanly make it personal.

So how can we DEFINE what’s going on in a way that leaves our hearts and minds intact?

People, friends, family, acquaintances, etc. can leave us feeling a wealth of unwanted emotions, all stirred by the way they show up… or don’t show up for us.

 

Some people are not able to, or not wanting to support what we personally are excited about in our lives, in our own personal growth or in the changes we make in our lives and in our relationships. It’s not that they don’t want to… they just may not fully understand.

When we experience this in a key relationship, we tend to react in one of two ways:

  1. We shrink and play small, or go back to our old ways to prevent rocking the boat with friends and family.

  1. We tell others to F off and get all righteous. Then frustration sets in because we’re fighting with people we really care about because they’re not showing up for us the way we really want them to. 

Where do either of these two common responses leave us? Not where we really want to be. Because we’re either not being our true authentic selves, or we’re in conflict, whether outwardly or inwardly, with people we need the most.

So how do we better DEFINE so that we can better MANAGE our relationship experience with other people when we cannot control their behavior or how they’re showing up for us?

There are 3 GROUPS OF PEOPLE in your life:

  1. Toxic People: Negative people in your life who tend to leave you feeling depleted rather than filled up and elevated. You can’t change them. Protect yourself from toxic people with boundaries for you – it’s not healthy to endure a toxic dynamic. Again, most importantly, you are not going to change them. 

  1. Your Right-Hand People (your GROWING hand): These are the people that grow with you, lift you up and cheer you on. These people include your closest friends that know your darkest secrets and love you more for them.  Your mentor, your coach, therapist,teacher, trainer, the people you engage with the most in your professional network).  These people are those that challenge you to the next level, encourage you, inspire you, and support you. Surround yourself with these people!  Get filled up here with inspiration and positivity from these folks!

  1. YOUR Left-Hand People (your GIVING hand): These precious folks often include those that have KNOWN YOU THE LONGEST and likely make up for the largest percentage of people in your life. And the largest amount of your grief and suffering. Totally kidding.

These friends and family may not (and commonly don’t) fully get your growth, and may annoyingly challenge any updates on your end about the awesome changes you’re making in your life. But this doesn’t mean they deserve to be abandoned (Most of the time, at least. ;)). This is where YOU GIVE unconditional love and compassion exactly where THEY are.  Appreciate and honor where they are. You don’t need to fix it, or try to change them. Relieve yourself of this, already!

RELATIONSHIP PAIN happens…

when you expect your LEFT-HAND People to think, feel and act like your RIGHT-HAND People do with you.

For example…

When we give unsolicited advice to our friends, they can feel rejected or judged by us. 

When we share our career success excitement with a parent who doesn’t give us the response back we’re expecting and craving. It can feel like rejection and disinterest… but it could be more the fact that this parent should be in your LEFT-HAND… but you’re wanting and expecting RIGHT-HAND treatment.

This is all fluid and can change at any time.

 

For example, a toxic person in your life could hit rock bottom, make massive changes and earn their way back into your Friends and Family hand. Or, a professional friendship turned close friend… or your Love Partner, could become both a right hand person, as well as a left hand person for us. 

So in recap, why is this important to understand?

  • Knowing who you are hanging out with and which HAND they belong in helps us better manage our expectations of others and how we feel about how they do or don’t show up for us.

  • Reduces the pain and suffering we feel from unmet expectations that can’t possibly be met in our closer relationships.

  • Helps us manage the way WE OURSELVES show up for others.

DO THIS EXERCISE!:

As you go through the transforming process of personal growth, you will have key people in your life that want to share their opinions and advice with you with very good intention. However it’s vital to be cautious whose advice you act upon since it’s difficult for those giving the advice to have all perspectives and insights they need to ensure their advice is right for you.

 

Who belongs in your right hand?

 

Who belongs in your left hand?

 

Who is currently your source of relationship advice / support?

 

Is this person’s advice sound?

 

If so, why?

 

If not, why?

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

Need a different approach?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 proven exercises for connecting more deeply with your love partner. 

Download them HERE… and commit to doing one tonight with your Love Partner!

Also, I invite you to join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Certified Life Coach

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”

Celebrate Your Self More.

Ever feel like you’re on auto-pilot… even when good things are happening?

How often do you work so hard for a certain result or outcome, but when you successfully make it all happen,  you breeze right through your moment of accomplishment and quickly move on to the next thing you gotta do… or achieve… or fix… or whatever? 

And so you miss out on feeling that sense of success and accomplishment. Which is huge for our self confidence, self-worth, and motivation. 

How can you reward yourself even better for each small and big success you create in your daily life?

Research shows that our ability, as well as how often we feel we’re MAKING PROGRESS or SUCCESSFULLY ACHIEVING something… has a strong and direct impact on our experience of JOY inside of ourselves.

Our ability to experience these sensations is completely determined by how we define “success” and “progress”.

How do YOU define “success” and “progress”?

How do you determine if you’re being successful in a key relationship, or in a job, or with your kids??

For example…

Are YOU defining your success… or is someone else?

Does it need to be a completed task, or can it be something that is in progress?

Must it come from a prior set goal?  Or can it be those unexpected, perhaps even unintended, ‘successes’ that you’re creating or contributing to… but maybe you’re not currently recognizing?

Must it be something challenging to you? 

Or can it be something you’re good at, that you can do with ease, but that contributes to someone else, or the greater good?

As an action strategy… I encourage you to set yourself up with a “Celebration Jar” that you enter a note in to at least once a day, to help you take pause so you can better recognize, with greater appreciation, those many successes you are indeed creating, but may not be celebrating!

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

I can help. Let’s talk!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 PROVEN CONNECTION EXERCISES for More Deeply Connecting with your Partner”… without further exhausting yourself. 

Join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl
Certified Relationship & Life Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”

What’s YOUR Story?? Is it Good Enough for You?

“I’ll never get past this…”

“I’d be happier with a different partner….”

“I’m not good enough to do_____ or have_____…”

“I’m gonna screw this up somehow…”

“This isn’t possible for me…”

WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK FROM HAVING, FEELING, & EXPERIENCING WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND NEED?

Most likely… the limiting beliefs you’re living out by what you tell yourself and others.

The “stories” you play out in your thoughts, beliefs, and actions. Are there beliefs you carry around that hold you back from living more joyfully and productively? These are the thoughts that we tend to repeatedly think, that ultimately hold us back from having something, being something, doing something, or creating something. For example, a guy that believes and declares “I don’t get women like that” referring to the kind of woman he would really love to ask out; or the wife that believes her husband doesn’t love and cherish her because of how much he works… will ultimately manifest that reality because our actions always follow our beliefs. Whatever we believe… we manifest. Our thoughts dictate our beliefs. Our beliefs dictate our actions. Our actions dictate our reality.

E X E R C I S E:

Think of a specific life or relationship challenge currently impacting you. What’s something you concretely believe about this situation or person? Now assess whether this belief empowers you and motivates you to take action that gets you to the result you’re ultimately after. Or does this belief limit you, or hijack your ability to see new opportunities, expand what is good and right, and to take the action or actions that will manifest what you truly want and need?

Need help transforming your relationship with the Love Partner you already have?

I can help. Let’s connect!

Apply for your FREE 30 minute Certified Relationship/Marriage Coaching Consult with me!

www.JenniferBlankl.com/Help

www.JenniferBlankl.com

Client Testimonials & Experiences

Want help sparking an immediate shift in your love relationship? Download my FREE eBook with 5 PROVEN CONNECTION EXERCISES for More Deeply Connecting with your Partner”… without further exhausting yourself. 

Join my Facebook Group “The Relationship Revolution” for proven insights, strategies, and empowering perspectives to help you spark massive change at home.

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship & Life Coach

Certified Marriage Coach & Divorce Preventionist

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves.”


True Confessions of a Marriage Coach’s “Rock Bottom”

Buckle up. I’m gonna get vulnerable on you. This is my marriage story:

My husband and I hit rock bottom so early on in our marriage.

We married in the spring of 2008, became pregnant with our first son a quick month after our wedding, and then the economy collapsed. And my smart, successful, confident husband came home in the middle of the workday with a suspicious box and an expression on his face that I’ll never forget. 

That day, through no fault of his own, he lost an 11-year job to the financial crisis.

And on that same day, our sweet happy “honeymoon phase” died an abrupt death. 

Instead of focusing on my status as “new wife” and “first-time-mom-to-be”, now I was focusing on my husband’s shitty mood.  And everything he was doing that I didn’t like… and everything he wasn’t doing that I liked. All while my husband focused on securing our financial well-being, and my emotional well-being, all while the due date of our first child grew closer every day. 

But I was too one-sided to see the situation with compassion and empathy for my husband. I was too caught up in my own needs. What I wasn’t getting. How my fairy-tale-based expectations of marriage weren’t being met. In hindsight, such a hollow mindset, yet not an uncommon one by any means.  

As my husband focused more and more on work and became emotionally distant and stopped telling me details about things, I became cold… punishing… withholding… bitchy. I even threatened divorce. 

So we tried therapy.

And talking about our relationship issues and rehashing old fights didn’t work for us.

Not only did we waste a ton of time and money on both male and female therapists, we’d often leave our sessions worse off then when we arrived. 

Then something totally unexpected happened.

I began my formal training to become a Certified Life and Relationship Coach, and this thing I learned in one of my very first courses absolutely blew my freaking mind.

It changed me forever, actually. 

This enlightening course was all about our “Six Universal Human Needs” and there began the process of me developing a deeper understanding of why I do what I do … and why others in my life very important to me do what they do… that upleveled my way of thinking. I was able to make so much more sense of my Self and others, empowering me with a way better mindset.

It was the exact self-awareness slap in the face I needed to wake up and recognize my own power and ability to create change. 

Now I help others save their marriages.

And I get a lot of individuals and couples who come to me after having tried therapy, wanting to try the coaching approach. 

Want to discover how personal coaching can help you transform your own relationship? If the answer is YES, I invite you to apply for a FREE 30-minute Certified Coaching Call with me here: 

www.JenniferBlankl.com/help

Client testimonials and experiences: www.JenniferBlank.com/testimonials

How Do You Most Love to Receive Love?

Do you ever feel like you make a ton of effort to give to your partner and love them but no matter what you do, or say, it just doesn’t feel like your guy or gal appreciates it, or even enjoys it, as much as you really want them to.

So why is this such a common point of pain for many couples? 

The funny thing is… us well-intentioned humans tend to love others in the specific form that WE, OURSELVES, most prefer (your “Love Language”). Sometimes this works out well for both the giver and the receiver, but in my experience as a Relationship and Marriage Coach, most of the time this fact can hijack our ability to get the result we want with our Partner, and in our Marriage.

A rockstar business owner client of mine used to complain about how annoyed she felt from the fact that she complimented her husband often, but it was never enough to make him happy.

She felt frustrated and even rejected in her attempts to be more loving toward him.

Although she had a positive intent to give to her partner, unbeknownst to her, she was completely missing the mark. All because her husband’s top Love Language is “quality time”… not “words of affirmation”. He felt he had to compete with her work for her time and attention.  As the driven worker bee she is, she comes home late from running the business every day. He craves her next to him, her attention and presence… that her complimentary words don’t meet for him. 

So here, there’s tons of effort being made…  just not the RIGHT effort that taps in to her husband’s preferred way of receiving her love. 

In other words, she was loving him in the wrong love language. 

As it commonly happens, she thought she was on track with her efforts because she was loving him in the way SHE most wanted to be loved by him. 

So, how do YOU most love to receive love?? What about your Partner? How do they most love to receive love?

Is it through “words of affirmation” –  kind and affirming words being spoken to you? 

Is it someone giving you their undivided attention and full presence through “quality time”

Is it through “physical touch” and physical connection as in a hug, holding hands or cuddling on the couch? 

Or perhaps it’s “receiving gifts” from a loved one that leaves you feeling special and thought about. 

Or is it when someone does something for you through their own actions, or “acts of service”

It took me too long to realize in my own marriage, that just because my preferred love language is “Words of affirmation” doesn’t mean my husband must appreciate compliments and verbal praise the way I do. As a matter of fact, verbal compliments and affirmations don’t amount to a hill of beans to him because his love language is Acts of Service and for him, this is met through teamwork in our marriage and us operating like a true partnership. So verbal compliments from me don’t do much for him, whereas verbal compliments from him rock my world! 

Happy Love Day to you and yours!

Much Love,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship, Marriage and Divorce Prevention Coach

CLIENT TESTIMONIALS

Need a different approach for transforming your own relationship at home? I can help!

Apply for a FREE 30-Minute Certified Relationship Video Consult with me HERE!

Need help creating a shift TONIGHT? Start with one of these 5 proven connection strategies. Download them HERE.

Jennifer Blankl helps busy professionals create a successful and fulfilling love life at home within 90 days, without therapy. She understands how many feel like they don’t have the time, energy, or oftentimes the desire to “work” on their relationship… but still want to feel loved, appreciated, respected, and supported by their partner.Trained and Certified as a Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Marriage Educator and Divorce Preventionist, Jennifer serves men, women and couples privately as well as through group workshops, trainings, and as a professional speaker. 

Like my Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment” for insights, tips, tools and advice on everything relationships!

Join my Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”

Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”

What’s YOUR “Center of Gravity” as a Love Partner in Your Relationship?

If you had to be honest… how often do you “measure” in your committed love relationship? By “measuring” I mean keeping track. Keeping score on what you do and give to your partner and love relationship… versus what you perceive your partner is, or isn’t doing.

As a Certified Relationship and Marriage Coach, I hear these expressions often… and I completely understand how my clients are feeling when they say things like, “I wish he’d step up more when it comes to chores and household responsibilities. Why do I have to do it all?”;  “I wish she’d give me compliments and tell me what she appreciates as much as I do for her!” 

We all do it, or have done it at some point. It’s part of our deep human instinct and nature to compete with others, even those we love most, to survive in this world. 

The tricky thing about measuring in our love relationship or marriage is that as long as we’re measuring, our math is going to come up faulty. Meaning, our partner will ALWAYS come up short in our minds when we measure. 

When we measure, we also hijack our own motivation and desire to love our partner more deeply because now we’re focusing on what we’re NOT getting, rather than what we ARE… and we all know what that leads to. A bunch of crappy relationship-killing emotions including resentment and contempt.

HERE ARE THE FOUR LEVELS OF LOVE:

According to Tony Robbins, there are four levels of love that shed light on the different mindsets from which we each can humanly operate in our long-term, committed love relationships. Knowing and understanding these different levels can help us see precisely where our “center of gravity” is as a love partner. 

Level 1:   SELFISH LOVE

We’ve all been there. You can predict the outcome. At this level, we show up to GET. It’s all about “what’s in this for me?”

Level 2:    TRADING LOVE:   THE 50 / 50 PARTNERSHIP 

This is where your relationship operates more like a trade:  ‘You do that for me; I’ll do that for you’. At the level, partners strive for an equal, 50/50 partnership. Here, you are ALWAYS keeping score. How else do you know if it’s 50/50? You’re constantly measuring what you get back. You will ultimately end up feeling shorted by your partner. At this level, it’s too easy to just stop giving when you feel your partner is not giving as much, and the relationship eventually  deteriorates.

Culturally, we’ve been driven to this level of love. This is, by far, the most common place where people have their center of gravity.

Level 3:    REAL LOVE:  100 / 100 PARTNERSHIP

At this level, you’re loving and giving because that’s who you are. You give unlimited to your partner. Your px’s needs are your needs. You’re in 100%. You’re not measuring. Your life’s purpose is to fill their partner up and light them up regularly. The far majority of people are scared to give this much. The fear is that question “What if I give all of this and don’t get loved back?”, “What if I get hurt?”

When you love someone, you experience that love as you are giving it. So when we withhold our love, we don’t get to feel that love we feel when we’re giving it.

Level 4:   SPIRITUAL LOVE 

This is a spiritual kind of love that is truly and completely unconditional because this includes loving those that have hurt us. Think Dali Lama; Mother Teresa; Mahatma Gandi.  For most humans, this is not sustainable.

So what level are you at right now?

What level do you really want to be playing at?

How can you aspire to Level 3 love if you’re currently at level 2?

I encourage you to use this tool as an emotional state and mindset-shifter if and when you’re feeling challenged in showing love and compassion to your partner, like when you’re mad at them. It’s a great check-in tool to use with yourself to help you become more aware of how you’re reacting to and showing up for your partner.

Hone the power you already have inside of you to transform your own love relationship by choosing to never settle for Level 2 Love. Raise your standards and work toward Level 3 Love! You both win this way.

Much Love,

Jennifer Blankl, Certified Relationship, Marriage and Divorce Prevention Coach

CLIENT TESTIMONIALS

Apply for a FREE 20-Minute Certified Relationship Video Consult with me HERE!

Jennifer Blankl helps busy professionals create a successful and fulfilling love life at home within 90 days, without therapy. She understands how many feel like they don’t have the time, energy or oftentimes the desire to “work” on their relationship… but still want to feel loved, appreciated, respected and supported by their partner.

Trained and Certified as a Relationship Coach, Life Coach, Marriage Educator and Divorce Preventionist, Jennifer serves men, women and couples privately as well as through group workshops, trainings, and as a professional speaker for companies and organizations. 

CLIENT TESTIMONIALS

Download my FREE e-Book “5 POWERFUL EXERCISES to Instantly Connect with your Love Partner”

Facebook page “The Art of Fulfillment”

Facebook Support Group, “The Relationship Revolution”

Co-Contributor of “Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams”and we all know what that leads to… a bunch of crappy emotions like resentment and contempt.

Are your EMOTIONS Getting the Best of You? Here’s What To Do…

My parents used to tell me in my younger years that I was “TOO EMOTIONAL”. That if I didn’t get a grip on my feelings… then I would pay heavy consequences… not just with them… but in life. I’ve worked on myself over the decades and become a lot wiser to the control I actually really do have over the oftentimes intense emotions I feel.

I didn’t learn this lesson from growing older and wiser. Nor from mom and dad telling me over and over not to be so emotional, and to learn to better manage myself. I learned this back in 2012 early on in my training as a Certified Relationship & Life Coach, I was taught an invaluable tool that shifted my entire perspective on WHY I feel certain emotions more than others… and why I stay stuck in certain emotions even when they make me feel like shit. This tool taught me the primary driving factor behind all emotions… and that’s our human drive to meet our “Six Universal Human Needs”. So when I could see how my core human needs were getting met through my feelings and emotions… I could then begin to grow more and more aware of what my emotions were doing FOR me… rather than TO me. And then I could make better choices around the emotions I did want to feel… and for how long I was willing to feel them.

Think of the last time you were mad at your love partner. SO mad… that you held on to your anger and withheld your love and compassion from them because you really wanted them to ‘pay’ for the pain you felt from that thing they said or did.  Remember how much that argument or fight hurt, yet you remained stuck inside of it? You stayed in the fight, and even poured kerosene on the fire. So why do we stay stuck in these painful dynamics? What prevents us from being able to take that pause, and climb out of our relationship ruts?

The reason is that our emotions,  even the super painful ones that leave us buckled on the floor, meet our “Six Universal Human Needs”.

Our different emotions… both the good ones and the bad ones… have the potential to meet our human needs – the needs we must meet every day… to some degree… to firstly, survive and secondly, to thrive. We can meet our needs through our thoughts, our emotions, our beliefs, our actions and choices in constructive and positive ways that nurture us and serve us in our relationships long-term. OR, we can meet these same needs in unproductive or destructive ways that sabotage our longer term results , but may serve as a temporary fix right now… thus the natural temptation to use these ways. These destructive ways we use to get our human needs met are “false rewards” because they may feel good in the moment… but can negatively impact our efforts in seeking longer term happiness and fulfillment in this life. 

For example, when we stay angry, pissed and closed-off to our partner to win a conflict rather than resolve… we inadvertently get some of our human needs met. Like our universal human need for “Significance” – our need to feel important, respected, needed, wanted, worthy, purposeful, enough. Engaging in unproductive conflict can help us feel powerful, important, worthy of the attention of others, and all that other stuff that helps us feel that false, fast fleeting sense of power as we ‘fight’ our partner as our opponent, rather than teammate. But we all know where this path ultimately leads us with our partners.

As examples, we can meet our human need for “Love & Connection” in our worst arguments, because now, we (finally) have our partner’s full and undivided attention. Their focus is finally on us. For many couples who don’t get to see their partners or connect with them meaningfully as often as they need, arguing and engaging in conflict can be their anecdote to feeling a lack of attention and affection from their partner.

We can meet our human need for “Certainty” and comfort by actually staying in conflict, because now we can escape and avoid the much more vulnerable act of addressing the REAL meat of the problem together… which often can evoke feelings of UNCERTAINTY about the impact that level of vulnerability would have 

How can you hone your own personal power to better manage, and even choose, the emotions you feel and experience so that you can have more control over what you get to experience in your life and in your relationships?

Are you struggling in your committed love relationship at home? Ready to make a long-lasting shift that will transform the emotional stuckness you’re feeling now?

Or are you done with LIVING LIKE ROOMMATES with your spouse and ready to uplevel?

I can help. Let’s chat. I invite you to apply for a FREE 30-min. Certified Relationship Coaching Call with me HERE.

www.JenniferBlankl.com

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My Plea to the Grumpy People. Or At Least, the Non-Smilers…

YOUR SMILE is like

P U R E G O L D. ❤️

Don’t UNDERestimate the power and impact your SMILING FACE has on…

YOU, most importantly ❤️,

Your Love Partner,

Your kids,

Strangers, Etc.

I wanna skip to STRANGERS.

Our families most likely get most of our attention… as they should. And your COMMUNITY needs you too. The people that you don’t know and that don’t know you need you more than you know. (that’s a mouthful)

I’m not one to rant, but I can’t help but notice the seemingly grumpy people in the grocery store. I’m defining “grumpy” as those shopping in the grocery store that don’t look at or engage with anyone else. Those that don’t say “excuse me” when they walk in between you and the thing on the shelf you’re looking at… or the people that don’t say “thank you” after you stepped aside for them to let them walk by to give them extra space. I know and confess this is my own personal trigger. I grew up in the deep south and spent my middle school and early high school years living in a tiny town in Georgia called Madison – population 4,000. In Madison, you were expected to greet those you passed on the street or in the store. Even when driving your car, you knew to wave to each and every driver that passed you. Otherwise… you were simply regarded as ‘rude’.So yes… I have a major tic when it comes to this subject. I’m probably too-often triggered by some people’s indifference towards their fellow humans, even when dealing with perfect strangers. But I don’t think I’m alone in the least bit, regardless of my southern upbringing. When you smile… your whole face lights up. Your eyes smile. And that has a real positive impact on whoever gets to see your face in this state. 

Think about how you feel when you exchange a smile with someone. Even a stranger you’re passing. For me, it’s a reminder of how we’re all truly connected as humans, of the power of kindness and warmth, and the emotional impact we have on each other… even while going about our own business in the routines of our daily lives. 

Just think about the immense power you have to spread joy and love in your community with your kindness, your positive engagement, your encouraging smile, a quick compliment or warm acknowledgement… whatever your style.

There are a lot of people feeling UNSEEN in these complex times, whether they’re feeling isolated, lonely, or simply struggling with their own personal situation. Your smile, your “thank you”, your “excuse me”, your “hey I like your shoes!”… could be the very thing that makes someone’s day. That helps them feel SEEN. And important. And connected to others. So if you’re not doing so already… I lovingly nudge you to SMILE MORE… and say a quick “hello!” Connect more with others, even through small, quick gestures. For when we do… we OURSELVES get to feel and experience the love and kindness we’re giving, which in turn, elevates our OWN emotional state.

Not sure how to shift out of STUCKNESS in your own relationship or marriage at home? I can help, let’s chat: www.JenniferBlankl.com/lets-connect

Client Experiences & Testimonials: www.JenniferBlankl.com/testimonials

Download these 5 POWERFUL, PROVEN CONNECTION EXERCISES to do with your Love Partner TONIGHT to instantly connect and spark positive feelings and emotions you’ve been missing. There’s no cost… download it for free. 

To Your Loving Relationships,

Jennifer Blankl

Certified Relationship & Marriage Coach

Certified Life Coach 

Certified Strategic Interventionist 

Client Testimonials & Experiences

www.JenniferBlankl.com

“Jennifer helps busy professionals & parents ignite connection, excitement, intimacy & fun in their relationships so they can feel more respected, understood, and appreciated, all without further exhausting themselves. All within 90 days, without therapy.”