Are you a strong, go-getter, DO-DO-DO kind of gal? Are you the kind of woman that loves to get things done, have success and WIN at life and relationships?
If so, this is your beautiful and valuable masculine energy that is at play in you. All women and men possess both masculine and feminine energy to varying degrees. However, when a man or a woman is not aligned with their own core masculine or feminine energy, that results in many painful consequences. It can affect their love relationship or marriage, their family dynamics, their work and business relationships, and their friendships.
Masculine energy is all about being rooted, immovable, knowing what you want, knowing who you are, being focused on the outcome and getting things DONE. Overcoming obstacles is satisfying. Masculine energy is very purpose-driven. There needs to be an end or else you feel adrift. This is why your man may want to “fix” your problems and frustrations when you, as the woman, are just trying to express and feel heard and understood.
The mature masculine man’s purpose is to serve, protect and provide service to others. He’s selfless with values of honor, integrity and freedom. On the flipside, the Immature Masculine Man is about serving his own ego and his own needs first. If you’re lucky enough to have a mature masculine man, then it’s even more crucial for a woman who possesses a lot of strong masculine energy to be able to transition in to her own feminine energy for him. Masculine energy plus masculine energy leads to a fight. So let your man be in his masculine by knowing when to be in your feminine for you and him.
In contrast, Feminine energy is all about OPENNESS, vulnerability, being able to let go and fully release… so that you can fully receive. The mature masculine man needs to feel this openness and ability to receive from his partner to feel he is serving her and providing for her the way a masculine man must in order to be truly purposeful and useful – the way he needs to feel. Feminine energy has nothing to do with how you look… it’s all about your ENERGY… the feeling and the vibe you send out to the world and those you love. Feminine energy is about taking it all in… and not running. It’s about trusting. The opposite of feminine energy is tight, closed off, protected, guarded, withdrawn, controlling and pushing, punishing, and holding back.
I know we all can think of many examples in a current or past love relationship where our partner triggered us, only to find ourselves withdrawing our love, holding on to our anger and choosing to stay mad… all in effort to make the other person pay. We do this to meet our human need for significance, and perhaps even certainty, but only at a short-term, lower level. The raw truth is, however, protecting yourself by abandoning your feminine energy has many negative consequences for you, your partner, and your relationship.
I know this territory all too well personally. I’m a passionate driver, doer, mover and shaker. It serves me well in my work, in my ability to build a successful career as well as at home: getting things done around the house, hustling my boys from here to there, running a household alongside my Relationship Coaching Business. However, this energy has previously hijacked my own dynamic with my husband without me even knowing it. At the time when our marriage was suffering, I had no idea how the masculine and feminine energies truly worked. I didn’t know that me being in my masculine forced my husband OUT of his… which wreaked so much havoc on both of us.
In order to avoid verbal or even physical violence, a man has to move more into his feminine energy… and at its core… this is all in effort to protect their partner.
Doesn’t this make sense? If we strong women don’t learn how to effectively and authentically transition from our awesome masculine energy power into our more open, trusting, vulnerable feminine… then we force our men out of that masculine energy that we crave and need from them.
So with all this said, you may be wondering “Well how the heck do I do that, Jen?!” Here are some wonderful proven strategies that I’ve used in my own transformation as well as with my clients.
THE “FEMININE ASK”:
This is a way we can communicate with our men that gives them an invitation with 2 possible answers: YES or NO. Your man needs to feel like he has a CHOICE. The mature masculine man does not want to be told what to do. He needs to feel that it’s an invitation; a calling to come to your rescue. At it’s core, this choice allows the masculine man to feel purposeful and useful because it’s HIS choice, he’s leading, and he’s coming to your rescue.
STOP OFFERING UNSOLICITED HELP TO THE MEN AND BOYS IN YOUR LIFE!:
Starting in childhood, males need to know they can do stuff on their own. They need to know they’re capable of getting it done and overcoming obstacles… on their own. Remember, this is all part of the purposefulness, usefulness they need to feel.
There’s a bit of a double bind here, since women, generally speaking, get joy and fulfillment from nurturing others. Women mostly have good intention here, because we feel like we’re “helping”, “nurturing” and “loving” our men and boys by showing interest and offering our help.
But in the man’s world, an unsolicited offering of help, especially from a woman, sends the message “She thinks I can’t do this on my own”, “She thinks I’m screwing this up”, or “She thinks her way is better.” So even though we have all this good intention in offering the help, it robs our men of the sense that they’re fully capable and in control of getting it done successfully, their way.
MAKE A CONSCIOUS MINDSET AND EMOTIONAL TRANSITION
from work mode to partner mode. Be aware that you need to transition and create your own rituals to ensure you do so. Here are some examples:
- Sit in your car for a few minutes before entering the house, listen to some of your favorite, uplifting tunes and choose to switch gears.
- Take a few minutes of alone time from your partner and or family to transition. Let them know what you’re doing and why you need this time! Tell them exactly how much time you’ll need so they can feel certainty around when they get you!
- Change your clothes! – Put on something that is YOU, yet feminine. Get rid of the frumpy, unflattering sweats you’re attached to! Again, this isn’t about how you LOOK, but how you will FEEL by changing your clothes.
- Take a bath – relax and soothe yourself all while being vulnerably nude.
Women generally have a need to fill pauses or silences in conversation because it helps us feel like we’re connecting by filling the silence. However, a masculine man can feel cut off by his woman if he pauses and she fills the space. The tricky thing is, women, in general, don’t experience being interrupted the same as men. Ladies, I’m sure you can recall how a lunch or a happy hour with your girlfriends is often filled with overlapping talk. This is usually not about taking the floor or interrupting, but truly about connecting and nurturing the conversation by providing MORE. Men tend to take more time to process their thoughts and prepare for what they will say next so this can feel like an interruption coming from either a woman or a man.
This tool can help remind us to stay present for our partner, let him finish his thoughts and expressions by waiting a full 10 seconds when there is a pause before jumping in again. This will NOT feel natural at first. Pausing this way can feel like an eternity. But trust me, with practice, you will feel your conversations transform and your man will express more.
What are your own resistances to exploring your own masculine or feminine energy more?
What are your fears or belief systems that hold you back from nurturing your core energy at a deeper level?
TAKE THE TEST HERE to discover your dominant energy.
To Your Loving Relationships,