As a Certified Relationship Coach and Divorce Preventionist, I have the huge honor of working with women and men to help them navigate many different relationship issues such as connecting on a deeper level, improving their communication, reigniting intimacy, navigating their way through conflict and more. And what I have learned is that people strongly consider leaving.. or do leave a relationship not because they don’t love the person… but because they have lost all hope that their partner can help them meet their needs. As humans, we all share the same universal human needs that we each must meet on a certain level to feel happy and content on a daily basis. If one or more of our needs, especially the top needs we each uniquely value most, goes unmet for a long enough period of time, we lose hope that we can get that need or needs met inside of our love relationship. What breaks my heart is that most of the time, these needs go unmet because of a simple lack of awareness around what their partner’s needs, especially their most valued needs, are. Our needs also go unmet when we, ourselves, don’t know what our needs are and how we are subconsciously and consciously going about meeting them. Assessing the needs of my clients and their partners is the first step I take in my work which always leads to a ton of “AHA” moments and breakthroughs, because here hides the key information about one’s self and one’s partner. It’s beyond empowering and clarifying to get your hands on this information.
With that said, I have found that there is one particular behavior that causes people to lose hope in their love relationship that seems to outweigh all others. And that is an ongoing and general LACK OF PRESENCE. So what I’m saying is that a lack of presence is the biggest cause of unmet needs. Not too much conflict, or financial warfare, or parenting style differences… it seems to come back to PRESENCE.
For some women, it’s competing with their guy’s work and “workaholic” nature. For others, it’s competing with their man’s video game time after work. For many, it feels like sitting alone even though your man is next to you, because he’s always checking his phone or other gadgets.
And in my experience as a Coach, it’s the Good Guys… the purpose-driven, loyal, hard-working, responsible, nice guys that are falling pray to a lack of presence. It’s the guy that totally loves his woman and can’t imagine being without her… but he’s not there. Not in the way she needs him to be to feel truly seen, heard, understood and loved. Like so many couples, one or both people have fallen in the trap of being there physically, but not being fully present.
And women are just as guilty of this as well. A busy stretched-thin mom that has nothing left to give at the end of the day after her man comes home from work because she’s depleted. Or the driven career woman that struggles shutting off “work brain” in order to be present for her family. So I’m not trying to make this about one gender or another… it definitely goes both ways here.
So there’s a lot to be learned about your human needs which essentially defines your human blueprint… the thing that’s driving your every thought, emotion, action and choice in life. The golden nugget that could transform your life and relationship is in discovering what your top needs are and really understanding how your needs are impacting your life and key relationships.
But first must come PRESENCE. Because without presence, we cannot effectively work toward this kind of deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner. We must first become present for our partner to even begin these deeper discoveries, so that’s why it is THE first crucial step in transforming any relationship.
Here are some things you can do beginning TONIGHT to connect with your partner on a deeper level, all while giving them your complete, undivided PRESENCE: http://bit.ly/ConnectExercises .
So TAKE ACTION in your relationship! It only takes 1 person to begin the transformation! Be intentional in how you give your partner your attention, your curiosity and heartfelt interest, your compassion, and your presence! Give this to them even if for just 4 minutes a day (see Exercise #1 in my free E-Book for a solid 4-minute connection exercise!). And for 7 powerful exercises to instantly connect with your partner, go to http://bit.ly/ConnectExercises to get your free instant download of my e-book! Try just 1 of these exercises and get fueled by how it feels!
Get your free Connection Exercises here and do one TONIGHT! http://bit.ly/ConnectExercises
Cheers to your Extraordinary Relationships!
Your Certified Relationship Coach & Divorce Preventionist